TV's funniest lines from July 4 to 10, 2008

”Many states don’t allow the sale of fireworks. Well, to me, it is not the Fourth of July until I’m rolling on the ground, screaming for somebody to put me out.”
—Stephen Colbert on The Colbert Report

”You know, you’re allowed to laugh at him.”
—Jon Stewart, after his audience was unresponsive to his Barack Obama jokes, on The Daily Show

”You’re quite possibly a very nice Mexican man who loves his mother, but you might also want to make a hat out of my kidneys.”
—Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker), to the illegal border crosser locked up in her car, on Weeds

”I’m doing a lot more phone interviews today. Radios, newspapers, junior high literary magazines. Whatever it takes. I want those Aussies to love me.”
—Kathy Griffin, mapping out her Australia press tour, on My Life on the D-List

”It doesn’t even make you look that much younger. It just makes you look paralyzed, you know? Have a stroke. It’s cheaper.”
—Michael Ian Black, discussing Botox, on I Love the New Millennium