The 10 hottest topics for the week of June 30, 2008

1. Injured Courtney Love taken home in a shopping cart
At discount. A fresh Courtney Love would’ve cost… I dunno, hundreds?

2. Mary-Kate Olsen/Spencer Pratt feud heats up
Now, there’s a Lincoln-Douglas debate no one needs to see.

3. Elementary school founded by Will and Jada Pinkett Smith insists that it’s not Scientologist
”We’re a normal school,” said the principal. ”We abide by that ‘No Child Left Behind When the Mothership Returns to the Home Planet’ Law.”

4. Bette Midler’s long-lost wedding photos found
They’ll be on the second disc of the never-to-be-released For the Boys special-edition DVD.

5. Madonna and Guy Ritchie attend Kabbalah services on opposite sides of Atlantic
Apart, yet together, they sang ”Somewhere Out There” in Hebrew.

6. Afflecks and Damons spotted on a double date It was a dress rehearsal for CBS’ upcoming reality spin-off Celebrity Swingtown.

7. Parenting group criticizes NBC’s reality series The Baby Borrowers
I can’t imagine what for.

8. Amy Winehouse elbows fan in mosh pit scuffle
Leave the beehive alone, people! One strand out of place and it all comes crashing down like Jenga.

9. Ruben Studdard weds
”Soon we’ll be popping out little Ru-babies!” he announced. ”Studfants? Ru-grats? Hello? Media? I’m still alive!”

10. In Chicago, free performances of a famous Broadway musical canceled due to racial content
Was it Cats? Because I always found that show horribly cat-supremacist.