Warning: Vanessa Hudgens only needs three minutes to steal your 99 cents*
Listen here, Vanessa Hudgens: I’ve got more than enough disposable pop on my iPod. And you’ve probably got a sickeningly large bank account from all your High School Musical successes. So the bottom line is, you can take your new single “Sneakernight” (what kind of wonky title is that anyway?) and your pop-star aspirations and…oooh! That’s a jazzy little beat you’ve got there. Nice organ riff, too. What’s that lyric, Vanessa? Did I eat? Do I have the energy? Well, that’s very considerate of you to ask, but fret not: I had a nice bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats earlier this morning.
Wait a minute. Cut that out. I’m wise to your game. And this is not how it’s going down. Although, I have to admit, your accompanying video is awfully cute, what with your nuclear shoelaces and the amusing side plot with the resident geek busting a move to try and win your attention. Kid’s got some moves!
But no…away from me, teenage temptress! I’m not parting with 99 cents to download your hypnotic three-minute ode to getting one’s boogie on. Yeah, I just attempted the robot while sitting in front of my computer, but don’t read anything into it. Nor should you get your hopes up just because I’m about to sing along with the “Sneakernight” chorus. Because I’m not the musical equivalent of the horror-movie victim who runs up the stairs instead of out the front door. I am totally in control of my purchasing power. And…Basically what we’re gonna do is dance/ Basically what we’re gonna do is dance / Basically what we’re gonna do is dance / Yeah that’s right it’s sneakernight…
* Do head to the comments section below and let us know if you have better luck resisting the charms of “Sneakernight.”