The Baby Borrowers

If you saw it, you already know The Baby Borrowers is 12 different kinds of insanity. If you missed it, let me assure you: NBC’s six-episode abstinence PSA gets even better next week.

To catch up those who just couldn’t turn away from last night’s second hour of So You Think You Can Dance, this reality version of Adventures in Babysitting features five teenage couples who descend on suburbia to care for “babies,” or miniature humans just past the larval stage. The point clearly is to convince these delusional adolescents that they’re in no way ready for parenting (i.e., keep it in your pants). Just in case they don’t get the message by spending a few days with infants, though, the experiment sends toddlers their way, then kids and other teens, finally ending with the couples caring for the elderly. Our role, as per usual, is to make with the schadenfreude.

How nice, then, that the shrieking started before they even got their hands on the kids. After the couples moved into their own houses (livin’ in sin, y’all!), the girls got their first assignments: Strap on a padded “pregnancy belly,” grab the “expectant dad,” and head to parenting class. Only Kelly, who already mouthed off about how she’s sooooo psyched to play mommy, rejected her belly. She got pouty and shouty, then locked herself in the bathroom, leaving boyfriend Austin to head to class alone. Yeah, how do you know you’re not ready for a baby? When you still act like one.

After everyone (minus Kelly) was apprised of the finer points of changing poopy diapers, along came the babies. Note that this is where the borrower part of the title comes in, because these aren’t hydroponic infants. These are real kids, with real parents—parents who station themselves in nearby houses, watching the action on TV monitors, as their wee ones wonder why they’ve been abandoned.

Some parents, however, couldn’t sit still. Little Miley’s dad went over to Daton and Morgan’s to soothe his fussy daughter, while Sean and Kelsey got a stern lecture from Etta’s mom, who didn’t like Sean referring to her daughter as “it.” They took criticism fairly well, though. Who didn’t? Cory and Alicea (pictured), who, after little Carson’s mommy dropped in, declared “We’re supposed to be able to learn from this, not to be, like, criticized or b—-ed out for no reason.” No reason, Alicea? Like, really? Because letting a kid starve all day certainly seems like a reason for a mother to cop a ’tude.

Unfortunately for Alicea (and lucky for us), Borrrowers ain’t Idol, and it ain’t Survivor—no one’s getting voted out. That’s right, she’s stuck…just like real parents. Here’s the kicker, though: If you can’t suppress a giggle at the idea of teens trapped in their own dreams-turned-nightmares, then you’re stuck too (just like me). So let’s meet back here next week, so we can continue enjoying this lawsuit-waiting-to-happen the way we were meant to: by pointing and laughing.

addCredit(“Baby Borrowers: Tommy Baynard”)

The Baby Borrowers
  • TV Show