I was trying to pretend that Jessica Simpson’s country album wasn’t happening, but Slezak just made me listen to the single, “Come On Over” (below), because he wasn’t man enough to do it himself.

If Simpson’s people try to market her — suddenly all brunette and fond of form-fitting flannel — as the next Shania Twain, I will be forced to hurt someone. Shania has a voice, soul, and love for exclamation points that is pure country. (She also has a better song titled “Come On Over.”) If this track is any indication, Simpson’s country album will be as unnecessary as we thought it might be.