By Simon Vozick-Levinson
Updated April 25, 2008 at 06:16 PM EDT

A couple weeks ago, EW’s Missy Schwartz broke the news that Fergie had recorded a new song called “Labels or Love” for Sex and the City: The Movie. “It’s an entirely new song with lyrics,” director Michael Patrick King promised, “but it has the Sex and the City theme as the DNA — on steroids.”

I’m of a few minds here. The lyrics are a crass ode to conspicuous consumption; Fergie’s imitated the very worst of SATC, replicating its designer-name-dropping surface with none of its heart. She might be aiming for a wink-wink, modern-day “Material Girl” vibe, but to me, the words of “Labels or Love” feel more like Gwen Stefani’s loathsome “Luxurious,” a song whose unironically materialistic attitude made me want to smash in the radio of the car wherein I first heard it. (And as Idolator points out, these hyper-commercial themes are also oddly out of step with our economically dismal times.) It’s no great shakes musically, either. Why sample the SATC theme song only to waste it on dime-a-dozen synths instead of that signature piano twinkle?

But you know what? Somehow I don’t hate “Labels or Love.” I know I should, but I don’t. “Love’s like a runway…” — I couldn’t disagree more, but that hook is just so catchy! I even enjoy the part where she tries to rap, somewhat tragically (“Gucci, Fendi, Prada purses, purchasing them finer things / Men, they come a dime a dozen, just give me them diamond rings”). Okay, okay: You win again, Fergie Ferg. I give up in the face of your ability to create pop gold out of the most ridiculous subject matter imaginable. Anyone else in the same boat?