Alvin and the Chipmunks

Oh, you thought you had it bad when those screeching animated vermin infested our nation’s movie theaters for a few weeks? Now Alvin and his cohorts are back, in a big way. Their soundtrack has been hanging around on Billboard’s album-sales chart for a while; this week, just when they’d started slowly dropping into oblivion, they scurried back up into the top five. This distressing rebound was, apparently, a side effect of their DVD hitting stores last week — ’cause, y’know, if you’re buying an atrocious movie you might as well buy its atrocious companion CD at the same time. The DVD, meanwhile, handily trounced Sweeney Todd to land atop that chart this week. Sweeney Todd, people! If these critters can beat back a homicidal singing barber that easily, how can we possibly stop them?

Look, I know kids dictate the big pop-cultural trends these days, but Iseriously fear for the future of our society if this inconceivablygrating cartoon is beating the competition in every possible form ofentertainment. It’s like when Jennifer Lopez had the number one movie and album in the country, only (somewhat) more annoying. You tell me — where will it all end?