The Bachelor
Credit: Adam Larkey

What could possibly beat that human Muppet whose name I’ve already forgotten handing Matt a pair of her panties on Night 1? How about Kelly (pictured, right) opening up her dress and cupping her “very large breasts” during a conversation with Matt before last night’s rose ceremony! Seriously, WHAT was that about? I guess when Matt told her that he wanted her to be as fun with him as she was around the other girls, that’s all her tipsy mind could come up with. Classic.

So we know why Kelly didn’t get a rose. I’m willing to bet that singer-songwriter-adequate tennis player Ashlee is gone because even though Matt found her voice “mesmerizing,” the giggling after every sentence got to him. Also, judging from my own reaction, it was probably hard for him to sit through her rambling non-answer to his question about what she’d do in London if her music career didn’t take off.

Holly also took the long limo ride home after her 2-on-1 date with Marshana. Like Shayne, I expected Holly to stay, but Matt made it clear that he and Holly didn’t have the connection she thought they did — he told her that he’d just found their timed conversation difficult to fill. (Tip: When someone says they like “challenging questions,” try to come up with at least one.) I appreciate Matt’s honesty, but now I’m dying to know if their 1-on-1 date last week had been that awkward.

After the jump, we size up the remaining six ladies.

addCredit(“The Bachelor’s Shayne, Matt, Kelly: Adam Larkey”)

Strengths Matt says they connect on multiple levels; haslived in England before and therefore slips into English accent aseasily as Madonna; her parents love tea… a lot; can play the piano
WeaknessesUnless I’m mistaken, mispronounced Wimbledon as Wimbleton; sucks attennis; sounds like she might still live with those parents; admits shedoesn’t know how to respect other women (unacceptable); cannot fake asmile but tries to

Strengths Former gymnast, always good; confrontssituations, like Robin stealing other women’s time with Matt head on; has toned down the drama; is as cuddly as a teddy bear, apparently; deepdown, you know you want Matt to meet her family so that we can see how dad Lorenzo Lamas handles the situation
Weaknesses The whole actress thing; hasn’t said whether she’s willing to move to London; could just be fulfilling Matt’s “L.A. sex kitten” fantasy; being spoiled could be less amusing when he starts thinking long-term

Strengths You can just tell that she’s sweet, smart andsane; Matt said that Amanda was his ideal beauty, and well, Noellelooks the most like Amanda; no drama
Weaknesses Hasn’t had much1-on-1 time with Matt; all we’ve seen them connect on is their sharedbelief that they could connect; also sucked at tennis

Strengths According to Matt, she looks “ridiculously hot”even when wearing a ridiculous sweatband and sipping tea; appeals tohis athletic side; won the group date rose again; makes Matt laugh;definitely won’t change herself just to please a man
WeaknessesGot hustled by Shayne in the gymnastics competition on the group tennisdate; hasn’t had a 1-on-1 date with Matt yet; could have intimacyissues, if ruining the romance on her 1-on-1 next week bytalking about how much she hates to hold hands is any indication; is she serious enough for Matt?

Strengths Sound bites; has expressed herwillingness to move to London; able to wow Matt with what looks likenot that wow of a kiss; designs her own clothes (and Matt actually likes them);knows she’s beautiful even when she has a busted lip from playing rugby
WeaknessesDoesn’t handle stress well; her beauty pageant past makes you wonderif she’s better at molding herself into what she thinks people want than just being herself; hasn’t spent enough time with Matt for him (or us) to knowwhether their senses of humor and interests at all match

Strengths Matt has said that she’s the woman he’d havesketched if someone had told him to draw his ideal; has lived in Englandbefore, but doesn’t feel the need to remind him of that constantly(Robin); is his age, 27; knew when to step it up and forgo the poodleskirt for the slutty Sandy look on her 1-on-1 ’50s-themed date (butstill didn’t come off slutty); appears sharp and clever, and can make Matt laugh; likes to dance, which we know Matt enjoys
Weaknesses The meeps

So, which couple are you rooting for now? (I’m all for Matt and Amanda, but look forwardto Chelsea and Matt’s 1-on-1.) Do you think the off-camera producerasked Ashlee to leave us with a song (“I fear that I’ll fall so hard,and you’ll just break my heart”) or that she thought of that herself?And what will Marshana and Chelsea’s “most shocking confrontation in Bachelor history” be about next week?

Episode Recaps