The 10 hottest topics for the week of April 4, 2008

1 James Gandolfini to play mayor of New York City in upcoming movie
Preproduction work on a convincingly mayoral comb-over has already begun.

2 Tori Spelling wants to be part of The CW’s 90210 remake
”Seriously,” she panted, ”throw me down any staircase you like.”

3 Fred Thompson may return to movies
In a brief statement, Thompson said, ”I think I would be the best president during a giant, radioactive space-dinosaur attack.”

4 Jamie Lee Curtis poses topless in AARP magazine
Does this mean I can finally delete ‘Trading Places’ from my TiVo?

5 Miley Cyrus dedicates Web video to Jesus
And Jesus, a huge fan of ”Lazy Sunday,” says He’ll peek at it over lunch, when ”the boss” is off His back.

6 Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee spend Easter together
It’s a time for renewal, rebirth, and — probably by Pentecost — re-divorce.

7 Pregnant Minnie Driver confesses: ”I dream about enormous olives”
According to Jung, this usually means the father is either a bartender or a Greek shipping magnate.

8 Fed up after noisy Transformers explosions, activists residing in Los Angeles seek to curb downtown filmmaking
But the studios now complain that a restrictive ”No Sucking” ordinance would halt most productions.

9 Horse tries to ride hospital elevator in Hawaii
Yes, it was that horse from Lost. And yes, it was drunk.

10 At his 30th-birthday celebration in Las Vegas, Kevin Federline and his friends smear cake on each other
Because that’s what dudes do, all right?

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