Scott Brown's Hit List

1 Jessica Simpson makes an appearance in Persian Gulf region for Operation MySpace
Her mission: regime change in neighboring Facebook.

2 America’s Next Top Model contestants accused of food fights in their Tribeca loft
Well, something had to be done with the food.

3 New York couple wed by Kathy Griffin
Fact: More than half of ironic marriages end unironically.

4 Vulcan, Alberta, seeks to host Star Trek prequel premiere
That is, unless it gets annihilated by Klingon Homeworld, British Columbia.

5 Barack Obama gets new reggae song, endorsement
Obama has been endorsed by most pop genres, except smooth jazz (Clinton) and filk, whose delegates remain ardent Kucinichists.

6 Project Runway winner approves of Amy Poehler’s impression of him
Smart move. As we’ve seen, it pays to approve of Amy Poehler’s impressions of you.

7 Clooney glad he avoided fisticuffs with angry Fabio
However, we in the cheap-one-liner industry are devastated.

8 Tori Spelling admits that her spendthrift ways put her near bankruptcy: ”In all honesty, I grew up a certain way; I never had to worry about money”
Her brave admission draws worldwide attention to the issue of Richness, affecting scores of young heiresses and socialites every year.

9 PETA member Jenna Jameson advocates pleather
And from now on, she’ll only work with 100 percent meatless stud Tofu Jones.

10 Pussycat Dolls lose a Pussycat Doll
It will take Anthony Michael Hall and Ilan Mitchell-Smith at least a week to make another one out of a Barbie doll and a 1985 IBM PC.

For all the latest headlines, pictures, and ridiculous Hollywood miscellany, visit popwatch.ew.com