Credit: GABRIELLA MEROS / Rex Features, courtesy Everett Collection

In the April issue of Out magazine, Ms. Swinton is quoted as saying, “I’m loath to say anything good about going to boarding school, whichis one of the reasons why I’m not a believer in Harry Potter. BecauseI believe it fetishizes boarding school for children.” She was explaining why she would’ve turned down a role in HP. Most of you are probably thinking “whatever,” whereas I feel compelled to “go there,” much like The N, and have decided that despite her hangup, Tilda would make a great ambiguously evil boarding-school-marm type in a movie. I’m thinkin’ a precise hybrid of Miss Hannigan from Annie and Miss Clavel from the old-school animated Madeline videos (pictured, inset). Yes? Yes!

By the way, can I propose a moratorium on referring to Tilda Swinton as “the milky actress”? Ewww.