Juno is one of those movies that’s inspiring plenty of Oscar-season dinner-party debate. “It’s absolutely brilliant!” “It’s irritatingly precious!” “It’s good, but is it Best Picture-worthy?” While I mostly enjoyed the movie myself (though not the soundtrack), if I ruled the world (or at least ran the factory where DVDs of Juno will eventually be produced), I’d make a slight tweak to the opening minutes, right after Ellen Page’s title character takes a pregnancy test at the local drug store.

You see, that one unbearable scene — and in particular, Rainn Wilson’s bon-mot-spouting shopkeep from hell — was like a clump of gnarly hair in an otherwise tasty bowl of soup. Right this very second, I am clenching my teeth recalling Wilson’s grating, hyper-scripted dialogue: “Third test today, Mama Bear. Your eggo is preggo, no doubt about it.” “What’s the prognosis, fertile Myrtle?” “This is one doodle that can’t be undid, home skillet.”

Home skillet? Are you effing kidding me?

In the “Slezak’s Cut” DVD of Juno, however, the scene would end very differently:

Juno exits the drug store, takes a last look at her pregnancy test, and tosses it into a trash can. As she strolls glumly down the boulevard, dramatic, action-flick music begins to swell. Behind her, suddenly, the local pharmacy explodes in a torrent of smoke and flames. Juno dashes forward to avoid the falling debris, then continues her walk home, makes her Twizzler noose, and heads to her hamburger phone to call her pal Leah. The rest of the movie continues as scripted and filmed…

What do you think, PopWatchers? Do I have a future in script-doctoring, or should I not think about quitting my day job? And while we’re on the subject, is there anything you’d have done differently if you were making Juno?

addCredit(“Juno: Doane Gregory”)