The 10 hottest topics for the week of February 8, 2008

1 Angelina Jolie’s muumuu sets off pregnancy rumors at the SAG Awards
Brad’s muumuu, on the other hand, was derided by Mr. Blackwell as ”a late-Brando disaster.”

2 Jessica Simpson’s lawyer scolds OK! magazine
Apparently, Tony Romo hates smelly perfume ads. They kill his concentration.

3 New Kids on the Block reportedly planning to reunite
They cite their superior boy-band experience, saying they are ”ready to hang tough on day one.”

4 Surviving Beatles invited to Israel, 43 years after being banned
Of course, they had to blast a hole in the anti-Beatles security fence.

5 Nursing mom Elisabeth Hasselbeck calls herself ”the Dairy Queen”
Joy Behar, not to be outdone, awkwardly dubs herself ”Steak n Shake.”

6 Band gets big in Chile after unauthorized use of their song in toothpaste ad
Global economy, baby. I understand my lame jokes are used to sell a popular suicide pill in Ukraine.

7 Whale activist and Heroes star Hayden Panettiere called latter-day Jane Fonda
Just to show how serious she is, she’s going to marry Ted Turner.

8 FCC fines the long-canceled NYPD Blue for indecency
It then pardoned Nixon, repealed Prohibition, and deregulated the Union Pacific Railroad.

9 Dean Winters of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles claims his impostor is roaming New York City
Be on the lookout for a young white man impersonating someone nobody knows!

10 Ryan Seacrest gives Ellen DeGeneres a phallic bingo stamper for her birthday
It’s the filthiest rest-home staple to hit daytime TV since Joan Rivers.

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