Official Winner of Tuesday, 1/29/08: Craig Ferguson (pictured), who scored 100 percent on his U.S. citizenship test. I guess this means he will have to stop making fun of the president. Not! Ferguson’s made an issue of his quest for citizenship ever since June, when the mayor of Ozark, Alabama made him an honorary citizen because the Late Late Show host had complimented the region’s catfish. 16,109 communities have citizenshipped him since then. That sounds awesome. We should all try it. Hey, Belgium — I dig your waffles and snooty attitude.

Official Disappointment of Tuesday, 1/29/08: Conan O’Brien, who shaved his magnificent strike beard before Monday night’s show and didn’t bother to A) document it on-air or B) send me a lock of his beard in the mail. Emphasis on B, yo. I’m devastated. A few weeks ago, at the photo shoot for Conan’s sexy jungle-themed EW cover, I got to sit mere inches away from this beard. It was so close I could make out the tiny morsels of food and old coins from the 1930s that had lodged themselves in there over time. Now the beard’s just floating in a drain somewhere. If I didn’t have to be here right now, I’d dive in there, Fugitive-style, and swim it down. Ew. I’ll stop.