So earlier this morning, I’m chugging Diet Dr. Pepper and scouring, and I come across a homepage headline that sets my heart aflutter: “Jerry & Tom Pal Around.” Whoa! Everybody’s favorite cartoon cat-and-mouse combo are back in business? And the little rodent is finally getting top billing? Sweet!

But alas, no. It’s just a story about Seinfeld and Cruise having dinner together in New York City. I tell you, it’s enough to drive a stressed-out blogger to launch into a tirade like this: