Strike or no strike, producers of the Oscar show are determined that there will be an awards telecast as scheduled on Feb. 24. Variety reports that the Academy is making unspecified contingency plans for an alternate show in the hopes of avoiding a debacle like the Golden Globes laundry list-reading that NBC had to air this week, but it’s not clear what form that alternate show would take, or what steps producers are taking to keep the show entertaining in case of an embargo on Guild-written patter and stars’ likely refusal to cross a picket line. Here are my suggestions; add yours below.

• Hire the American Idol judges to evaluate each performance before opening the envelopes.I’d like to know whether Randy thought Cate Blanchett’s Bob Dylan was a little pitchy.

• Have host Jon Stewart (pictured) improvise like he’s been doing on The A Daily Show. He can interview the seat-fillers and the accountants who tally the votes.

• Follow the Globes’ example and make the show available to whoever wants to broadcast it, so that it won’t be an ABC-exclusive event, the writers won’t picket, and stars will be able to come. Sorry, ABC, but you’re going to get screwed out of millions in ad dollars no matter what happens, so you might as well bite the bullet on this one.

• I never imagined I’d say this, but hire back choreographer Debbie Allen, stat!

Okay, PopWatchers, your turn.

addCredit(“Jon Stewart: Michael Caulfield Archive/”)