From a CBS press release issued Monday: “CBS has ordered three new alternative/reality series for broadcast later this year — the biweekly celebrity talent contest SECRET TALENTS OF THE STARS, the hidden camera game show GAME SHOW IN MY HEAD and the search for AMERICA’S TOP DOG.”

Let’s break this down: Secret Talents of the Stars will allegedly feature some of our “favorite film and television stars” competing in a tournament to find out who has the best hidden talent. Now I’m willing to guess that some of my favorite stars will be on this show, because the D-list are my people. But will anyone else want to see celebs who weren’t big enough to get on Dancing With the Stars do magic?

Game Show in My Head
is the latest offering from Ashton Kutcher (pictured) and Jason Goldberg, his partner on Punk’d and Beauty and the Geek. I hate the title, but do appreciate the concept because it reminds me of something Graham Norton does would do. Basically, contestants will wear earpierces and earn money for following through on whatever inane things the TBD host of the show instructs him or her to do in public. If the contestant wimps out, the winnings are erased.

America’s Top Dog is only a working title, thank God. The pitch here: A group of owners and their pups will live together and “battle it out in a dog competition that puts the dog’s relationship with the person who has raised and trained it to the test. In the end, only one team of loving owner and faithful dog will emerge the winner in this dog-eat-dog competition!” Is this the price we pay for expensive reality fare like The Amazing Race and Survivor? I like dogs — and will admit to watching those agility competitions on ESPN — but seriously?*

Will you tune into any of these?

*I’m totally gonna watch that, aren’t I?