You probably don’t watch Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants. Good for you. Take last night’s debacle: Challenge no. 1 was supposed to teach the mother/daughter pairs how to maintain composure. Stand on a rotating platform, they were told, and hold a plastic smile while the other teams try to distract you. Of course, by “distract” they meant “hurl insults at and demean.” Worst example: team “Beauty Is Skin Deep” Angela and Tenia decided that they’d knock financially strapped Moya and Jenileigh (pictured) off their pedestal by engaging in class warfare, sneering that their hair extensions cost more than their rivals’ entire wardrobes. As if that weren’t enough, challenge no 2. called for each contestant pair to create a 60-second video blog, explaining why they should win. One daughter grew so frustrated with her mother’s faulty memory she sniped, “I guess I’m going to have to be a bitch to you today.” Really? Just today? Somehow we doubt that.