January 09, 2008 at 12:00 PM EST

Digital wooly mammoths + impossibly perfect teeth for a pre-dentistry society + a whole lot of Apocalypto = 10,000 BC.

See, it’s not that it looks bad, it just looks kind of pointless, especially in a post-Apocalypto world. (If you’ll remember, that surprisingly good Mel Gibson film also had a pre-cultural dude who has to save what’s left of his tribe from people who hang out in giant temples and think they’re akin to gods.) And, while I’m usually okay with the cinematic use of the British accent as a stand-in for every other nationality—including aliens—this is a bit of a stretch, considering that these people barely had language, let alone the upper-crust refinery of our sires across the pond. This oughta sound like Quest for Fire, not RSC tryouts.

The ultimate question, though, is Will I Go See It. The jury’s out. Depends if something good is on the Hitler—I mean, History Channel.

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