By Marc Bernardin
Updated January 07, 2008 at 04:48 PM EST
Eric Johnson, Flash Gordon

Dearest Sci-Fi,

Why are you not way more awesome?

Don’t get me wrong, when you’re good—like with Battlestar Galactica or Eureka (and I’ll even give you credit for Doctor who, despite that being a BBC show you just imported)—you’re a phenomenal destination network. But let’s be honest here, there’s not a lot of “good” on your schedule. The Stargate franchise is stale, Flash Gordon (left) is a derisible, stillborn remake, and ECW Wrestling is…wrestling! (And I swore an oath never to speak of Who Wants to Be a Superhero again.)

The thing that infuriates me is that you have so much potential. We’re living in the Age of the Geek, where pop culture has finally come around to our way of thinking. Where the most-watched shows on TV are geek-nip like Heroes, Lost, and Bionic Woman; where we buzz about movies like Pan’s Labyrinth, Spider-Man, I Am Legend, and Iron Man. The audience could not be more primed for this material, so why are you offering them Ghost Hunters International and crappy “original movies” like Mansquito?

Again, why aren’t you more awesome? After the jump, some friendly advice.

Why aren’t you adapting more classic sci-fi texts—like you did withDune—into miniseries events? (Ones that, hopefully, will fare betterthan Tin Man.) Where’s the Foundation saga, or Ender’s Game, orFootfall, or The Man in the High Castle, or The Forever War?

Why aren’t you engaging today’s premiere purveyors of genre materialand giving them ten episodes to do whatever the hell they want? I’dwatch contained, BBC-style series from folks like Neil Gaiman, WilliamGibson, John Scalzi, Cory Doctorow, Warren Ellis, Charlie Huston, NealStephenson, or China Mieville. The names alone would attract viewers by the truckload. And even if what they produced were failures, they’d be interesting failures—marked by reaching too far, instead of not far enough.

Why don’t you try a daily sci-fi soap opera? Airing late at night, sopeople could actually be home to watch it—or DVR it. Why can’t the samekind of serial storytelling that’s worked for 50 years on shows like GeneralHospital be marshaled to create compelling science fiction? (Actually,I’ve got to give Evan Narcisse a tip of the hat for this one. BecauseI’m just that kind of bloke.)

Mark Harris was right when he said that science fiction needed to ditchthe nostalgia if it’s going to reclaim its integrity. Lucky for those of us who love sci-fi thatthere’s a whole network devoted to it. I just want them to fulfilltheir mandate.

Imagine that. (No, seriously. Get to work imagining.)