By Annie Barrett
Updated November 16, 2007 at 12:00 PM EST

Have you heard? Ellen DeGeneres is hosting a REALLY BIG SHOW, which will air twice on Monday night on TBS. There’ll be jump-roping, Lyle Lovett, and a woman who magically switches her whole outfit in like one second! I joined a press conference call with Ellen during which each reporter got to ask one question. Mine was (naturally) goofy and irrelevant:

Hi, Ellen! What are some things viewers at home can do to prepare for a show of such MASSIVE PROPORTIONS?
Well, you want to wear loose-fitting clothing. Like a sweattype of pant, or pajamas. I would not wear anything tight, and I would try tostretch out. If you have a lounge chair, some kind of a chaise lounge, or somepillows — ooh, or maybe a bean bag chair would really be the best thing to handle all the laughing. You’ll be able to lean forward for a belly laugh, then stretch backwards withthe ”Ohhhhh!” –- you know what I mean? Can you picture what I’m doing?

You know, like ”Toooo much!

What about snacks?
I would steer clear of food. There’s a possibility of choking,because of all the laughing you’ll be doing. If anything, a pudding — some timeof bread pudding, or a rice pudding.

Whatever else happens in this little life of mine, I will die having once asked Ellen DeGeneres, “What about snacks?” I’m cool with that. Though I’m not so much on board with the steering clear of food part.

So tell me, are you up for watching a variety show? One that features Sheryl Crow? And since I’m rhyming, Barry Manilow?