By Annie Barrett
Updated November 02, 2007 at 12:00 PM EDT

I started watching The Hills this season, mostly because I feel a journalistic responsibility to be aware of every popular, slowly unfurling disaster on television. Plot- and character-wise, it’s not a worthwhile show. That’s pretty obvious. It is, however, a fascinating display of the way completely contrived BS keeps edging out these people’s mediocre reality to the point of total annihilation. (PopWatch’s weekly Comeback reference alert!) As Jane, the reality TV producer on The Comeback once told Valerie Cherish after asking her to do another take to the camera, “I just think your reality could be a little more interesting.”

Now, we’ve heard MTV’s holding castings for “key roles” at Heidi and her boyfriend I can’t even name because I’m convinced he is an alien‘s wedding. Because they suck so much, these two are each other’s only friends. So the show needs to hire moderately attracitve but less-cute-than-Heidi people to sit there and pretend to care. I know that scripting a sacred event should strike me as horrifying, but instead I’m simply a little more intrigued than ever. I fake can’t wait to watch Heidi’s fake wedding! And I for-real can’t wait for the episode when Heidi taps that boy between his beady eyes and low-functioning computer processing units shoot out of his nostrils.