By Marc Bernardin
Updated October 26, 2007 at 07:53 PM EDT
Credit: Greg Gayne

I love cooking shows. Really, it’s a weakness of mine. (Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’m on a diet and if watching Paula Deen add a stick of butter to everything is as close as I’ll get to indulgence… well, I’ll take it.) I could watch the Food Network all day, and would if I didn’t need to earn money to keep the cable on so I could watch the Food Network. And I’m a pretty decent cook, provided ”beef” and ”open flame” are integral to the recipe.

But the news of a Hell’s Kitchen videogame has to rank among the upper echelon of silly ideas I’ve ever heard. Why? Because cooking is either a spectator sport or a participant activity. If you’re watching, you want to drool while watching the deliciousness take shape onscreen. If you’re cooking, you get to eat. Neither of which will happen with a videogame, I don’t care how next-gen the virtual cooking experience may be. (You will, however, get to hear HK‘s Chef Gordon Ramsay, pictured, yell at you for your virtual incompetence.) Bytes will never equal bites.

Follow the jump to discover five other videogames I’ll never play… should they create them.

addCredit(“Gordon Ramsay: Greg Gayne”)

  • 1) Vacuum Adventures: Sweep the rug for hidden jewels and old Cheerios
  • 2) AAA Roadside Showdown: Who Can Change a Tire the Fastest?
  • 3) Tournament Fishing: Grab your tackle box, launch the bass boat and let’s go! (Okay, this really is a game. Which frightens me.)
  • 4) Velcro vs. Shoelaces: The Final Chapter
  • 5) NapQuest