The 10 hottest topics for the week of September 7, 2007

By Scott Brown
Updated August 31, 2007 at 04:00 AM EDT

1 Charlie Sheen says family beach trip was ”sullied” by Denise Richards’ ”spy”
Sheen has not been this sullied since Men at Work, and most of that was makeup.

2 Missy Elliott to shill for Doritos ”Collision” chips
I prefer to live dangerously with Doritos ”Liability” chips.

3 Writer-producer says Disney’s Hannah Montana was his idea
Sadly, the world will never see the delightful yet unpronounceable Cassachusetts Massachusetts.

4 Jessica Alba tells unrequited elementary school crush to ”look at me now”
If she showed at her 20-year elementary school reunion in a Ferrari, I’ll bet she could totally nail that dude now.

5 Jackie Chan’s back is killing him
I’m no doctor, but just watching Rush Hour 3 made me ache all over.

6 Brangelina and kids enjoy hot dogs in Times Square
Everything was great until Brad got into a spontaneous ab-off with the Naked Cowboy.

7 Survey says Jerry Lewis most influential celebrity
Expect a very sad, very desperate Bono Pratfall Telethon soon.

8 Miss South Carolina Teen USA loses train of thought
Granted, it was a toy train, and very small.

9 Virgin Comics relaunches ”British version of Buck Rogers”
Hopefully, Major Tom will fare better this time out.

10 Justin Timberlake has won a record 21 Teen Choice surfboards
He also has left a record 21 surfboards in the alley behind the Teen Choice Awards.