By Amy Ryan
August 29, 2007 at 07:47 PM EDT

Dear Michael Jackson,

On the occasion of your 49th birthday today, perhaps it’s time to take stock and realize that, if you want to stop being seen as merely a sad figure of scandal, it’s time to go back to your day job and record some hits. But how to accomplish this? Since this is your birthday, the P-Dubs and I will offer our advice in the form of a haiku, like this one:

Call on Timberlake,
Timbaland, even Jay-Z.
Winehouse? No, no, no.

Best wishes,

Gary Susman

addCredit(“Michael Jackson: Richard Lewis/”)