By Michael Slezak
Updated August 22, 2007 at 12:00 PM EDT

Slezak: So Annie, did you take NBC’s new Bionic Assessment Test?
Annie: This test is jank! It says I’m only 47% bionic.
Slezak: Oh snap! I’m 51% bionic!
Annie: They didn’t even take into consideration how great I am at watching television.
Slezak: I wish there was a section that tested aptitude at eating salty snacks. Instead, all they care about is “visual mapping,” which I got a 0% on.
Annie: That scrambled keyboard? That thing killed me. I even got one word right, but still scored 0%, too. I blame my greasy mouse.
Slezak: Ugh, I hate when I eat lunch and surf the net and the mouse gets grimy. So what did you do best on?
Annie: I got 100% on the game that sounds like Simon. Remember that game?
Slezak: YES!
Annie: I’m so aural!
Slezak: I got 100% on that too. I also did well on — wait for it — math!
Annie: MATH
Slezak: MATH
Annie: Did the robot ever ask you “IS TERMINATION AN OPTION?”
Slezak: NO! Did it ask you that?
Annie: It did. Eff that! I’ll terminate this window!
Slezak: You’re badass. Not bionic, but badass.
Annie: Oh yeah? Who’s more bionic in that pic? This girl, that’s who. I’m not even making EFFORT and my tables are further than yours.
Slezak: True, but I got the higher score.
Annie: Whatever! You look like you’re battling inner demons and possibly your own digestive tract.
Slezak: It’s true. I have a frail tum-tum. It’s 0% bionic. But what you can’t see from the photo is that I’m making the chun-chun-chun-chun-chun bionic sound, and moving in slo-mo.
Annie: I don’t understand the comment, and I won’t respond to it.