The 10 hottest topics for the week of August 17, 2007

By Scott Brown
August 10, 2007 at 04:00 AM EDT

1 Shortly before DUI, Lindsay Lohan told interviewer she’d never drink and drive
This, from the latest issue of Psych!

2 Two more kids for James Brown
Enough with the posthumous releases, okay?

3 Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez applauds Sean Penn’s anti-Bush stance
However, he called I Am Sam ”gooey” and ”embarrassing.”

4 Anne Hathaway says about 95 percent of her friends are gay men
The remaining 5 percent are dentists, four out of five of whom prefer Anne Hathaway.

5 Bruce Willis plays blues at Cape Canaveral
Not exactly by mistake, the rocket they were playing on was launched into space just as his harmonica solo began.

6 Paris seen in camouflage bathing suit
Guess it didn’t work.

7 Jack Nicholson denies concealing a handicapped son
Opening his robe, Nicholson revealed that the boy-in-a-wheelchair-shaped lump in question was ”all Jack.”

8 Gwen Stefani will cover up for Malaysian show
She’ll wear a multi-stage burka, with five Stefani-tight compartments. If one fails, another will contain her.

9 Madonna adoption challenged again
You’ve seen Annie. Madge is the Daddy Warbucks in this scenario. Which makes Malawi, uh, Rooster.

10 Suit alleges Marilyn Manson spent band’s money on Hitler’s coat hangers
That Manson! He’s just Satan’s little dry cleaner, isn’t he?