By Chris Schonberger
Updated July 31, 2007 at 12:00 PM EDT
Age of Love: Trae Patton

It’s hard to say if last night’s double (dating show) suicide was legit,or if NBC just wants to get Age of Love off the air as soon as possible. After Maria’s needlessly postponed self-elimination (I think the producers said, “Please just say some more insane things about women — and we swear you can leave“) and Megan (pictured) refusing to fly Down Under (a looped clip of Mark saying “Qantas has, like, the safest flight in the sky” should be the Aussie airline’s new ad campaign), it’s down to 48-year-old Jen and 25-year-old Amanda. How did we get here? Well, one way to answer that question is by recapping Week 6’s most outrageous moments!

Jayanna’s posthumous video message Allowing contestants to compose a going-away speech to”the girls” is an amazing idea, as was evidenced by J-Money’s claws-out cougar attack on Amanda. Incidentally, the technology featured in the girls’ apartment seems exceedingly futuristic. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had cryogenic anti-aging chamber tucked away in the bathroom.

The Salsa Date Pace Picante. Newman’s Own. Old El Paso. Chi Chis. These are just some of the salsas I have enjoyed in my day. Unfortunately, I did not have any of these brands at my disposal while watching this terrible date unfold. Amanda was predictably boring, and Maria’s bump ‘n’ grind approach to salsa was sort of reasonable, but also terrifying. Mandi and Eva thought the Poo overreacted to her “what would you say if this was the last time we saw you” line of questioning, but I don’t think she really warranted a response for one main reason: Her decisions about when to play the game and when to sneer at it were always inconsistent, and, as usual, she chose to wrong moment to suit up (in a horrendous dress).

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High Tea with Megan I think Megan took this one a bit too literally and may have calmed her nerves with something other tea leaves. She’s so confused and awe-struck by the world around her! It’s really quite amazing to watch. Top 5 Megan-isms from last night:

5. “What are those spongy things?” Those are sugar cubes, Megan. Don’t eat too many or you’ll get cavities!

4. “Studio City…” Megan practices her reading by sounding out street signs along the freeway.

3. “I’m retarded.” Most sensible thing you’ve said all day!

2. “It’s this really good tea.” In a way, that is a fair definition of “hightea.”

1. “My stomach, like, fell out of my butt.” Have you been eating Pace Picante as well?

Cinderella carriage ride This couldn’t have been lamer, but it was redeemed by a massage that clearly had a very happy ending, and I’m not talking about the fairytale kind! (I’m talking about the sexual kind…) I wasn’t sure what really went down, but when Jen started kissing and telling — “It was bad. I don’t think [the producers] could even use half the stuff” — I started to get the picture. NBC interns, where’s the YouTube leak!? Other than that moment of gloating (and her inexplicable loyalty to Jayanna), Jen continued to shine as the least annoying contestant. At 48, she also looks incredible in a bikini.

I guess there’s only one question left, PopWatchers, but I will say it in three ways: Amanda or Jen? Kitten or Cougar? 20s or 40s?