1 Idol tryouts begin July 30
Some of the melismata begun that day will not end until November.
2 Pregnant Nancy Grace reportedly won’t cop to using fertility drugs
This after an hour of intense questioning by Nancy Grace.
3 Posh Spice wins libel case
I am bound by court order to admit that Posh Spice is NOT ”a robot assassin sent from the future to collect gift bags and skin-care products.”
4 Cameron Diaz apologizes to Peru for carrying bag with Communist slogan
She didn’t realize that ”No matter how thin you slice it, it’s still baloney” was briefly the motto of the Shining Path guerrillas.
5 First-edition Harry Potter book fetches 18,000 dollars
So could I get something for these lightly used Dumbledore Underoos?
6 McCartney plays surprise show at L.A. record store
The biggest surprise: that there’s still such a thing as a ”record store.”
7 Jewish actor to play Saddam in miniseries
Yuks and Scuds fly when Seth Rogen’s witty yet insecure Saddam ”knocks up” Kuwait.
8 Carrie Underwood, Kevin Eubanks named ”Sexiest Vegetarians”
McConaughey, hobbled by his USDA classification as ”prime beef,” was sadly ineligible.
9 Joey Fatone, Wayne Brady to host dueling karaoke shows
The winner will… hang on, let me read that headline again… To rephrase: There are no winners here.
10 Isaiah Washington: ”They fired the wrong guy”
I agree. Isn’t there some way this is Alberto Gonzales’ fault?