PopWatchers: Britney Spears needs help. No, not that kind of help. I mean she needs help picking the title of her next album. Got the dirt from People.com this morning. And sure enough, the plea to her ”most die-hard fans” is on her website. The first of her possible album monikers? OMG is Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like.
You get it, y’all? You know, ‘cuz Lindsay Lohan is in rehab just like Britney went to rehab. But you know Brit was just in there for ADD-like symptoms. Oh and also because everybody talks about Lindsay just like everybody talks about Britney! Isn’t that funny, PopWatchers?
It gets better! Other prospective titles include: What if the Joke is on You (it’s not, B — trust us!), Down Boy, Integrity, and the Hilary Duff-recycled Dignity. Somehow, I don’t think any of those titles will do the album justice. Here are my suggestions:
- Sheared: In this album, Spears takes a cue from fellow Mickey Mouse Club alumna Christina Aguilera. Like Xtina’s Stripped, the title is simple, catchy, ironic even! The songs on this album would put the “track” in track list.
- Oops, I Did It Again… Again: A shadow of her former self, this album title is for an introspective Britney. Her hairstyle on the album cover? Au natural. Come as you are, Brit.
- The Blue Album: Because Black, Grey, and Brown are already taken. And I hear it’s her favorite color. She can even throw a Jay-Z style tantrum a la Hov’s “What More Can I Say?” And she didn’t solicit lyric suggestions, but I went ahead and paraphrased the last lines of Jay’s musical retirement announcement for her. (My revised lyrics are after the jump; click here to sing along with Jay-Z’s more NSFW version.)
addCredit(“Britney Spears: John Sciulli/WireImage.com”)
The soul of a popstar I really ran the street
A CEO’s mind
That fans-name-the-album plan was me
And no I ain’t get arrested a whole bunch of times
Or hit high notes in a whole bunch of lines
And I ain’t an awesome writer, like say a Shonda Rhimes
But the sound effects you get when you bust down my lines
Add that to the fact I went to rehab a bunch of times
Times that by my influence
On pop culture
I’m supposed to be number one on everybody’s list
We’ll see what happens when I no longer exist
(In Jay-Z fashion, Britney throws the mic on the ground and vows to retire.)
The last title is my favorite. But enough about me. What do you think Britney should call her next album?