By Annie Barrett
Updated June 07, 2007 at 12:00 PM EDT

By now you’ve probably heard. After serving only five days of her jail sentence (thanks, Sheriff Baca!), Paris Hilton will serve the rest of her term at home due to “medical reasons” that sources close to her family (ew!) say was some sort of rash. Which brings out the angry poet in me…

Paris, how was jail?
Knitting circle’s a bitch, huh?
You’ll always be ours

Wait, who am I kidding? She’s nowhere close to haiku-worthy. Shall we try a limerick?

There once was a “socialite” so jank
Her name was synonymous with “skank”
Came down with some pimples
They made her life simple
She’s at home with some s— on her ank

As a nation weeps, write your own ditties below.

addCredit(“The Great Muppet Caper: Everett Collection”)