By Michael Slezak
Updated April 09, 2007 at 07:14 PM EDT

I love American Idol as ferociously as a mother loves her child. But just like it’s a mother’s job to be brutally honest — “Yes, honey you could stand to lose 10 pounds. It’s all about portion control!” “Um, thanks, Mom.” — I can’t help fear this week’s Latin music theme is going to be ¡muy horrendous! Why so gloomy, you ask? Well, in her recent interview with EW’s Jessica Shaw, Gina Glocksen shared that, before she got booted last week, she’d been planning to sing — drumroll please — “Everlasting Love.” Yes, the thoroughly un-Latin Carl Carlton/Love Affair number that got covered in thoroughly un-Latin fashion by Gloria Estefan back in the mid-’90s — and has also been flogged by Scott Savol (uff da!), Jasmine Trias (yikes!), and Clay Aiken in past Idol seasons. In other words, Idol’s definition of “Latin music” appears to be any song ever recorded by a person of Hispanic descent. So let’s put some quotation marks around “Latin night,” and perhaps around “vocal coach” Jennifer Lopez (pictured), too, and then suggest some song choices that could make the evening a little less painful. And please, for the love of all that’s holy, no calls for Christina Aguilera’s “Reflection”; once per season is enough.

  • Melinda Doolittle, Gloria Estefan’s “Oye Mi Canto
  • Blake Lewis, Santana’s “Evil Ways”
  • Jordin Sparks, Lumidee’s “Never Leave You”
  • Chris Richardson, Santana and Rob Thomas’ “Smooth”
  • Haley Scarnato, Jennifer Lopez’s “Play”
  • Phil Stacey, Marc Anthony’s “I Need to Know”
  • LaKisha Jones, Nuyorican Soul’s “Runaway” (If you’re not familiar with this one, ch-ch-check it out on YouTube!)
  • Sanjaya Malakar, Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs”

addCredit(“Jennifer Lopez: Kevin Mazur/”)