By Michael Slezak
Updated February 13, 2007 at 09:53 PM EST


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I’m just gonna come out with it: I hate Valentine’s Day. Hated it when I was single. Hate it now that I’m hitched. Especially hate it because it always rears its cherubic little head smack in the middle of February sweeps. Now mind you, I’m a deranged enough TV addict that I once celebrated my (not legally recognized) wedding anniversary by watching The Bachelor over take-out Indian food, but still, I know I’m not the only one with a dilemma tomorrow night. So for those of you harboring reservations that restaurant reservations will force you to miss your favorite shows, I’ve composed a handy letter you can insert inside your Valentine’s Day card. Who knows? Maybe like in “The Piña Colada Song,” your mate feels the same way, too. Now wouldn’t that be romantic?

Dear insert name here,

Happy Valentine’s Day! When I woke up this morning, I thought about how lucky I am to have you in my life. You’re like a song that fills my heart with joy. Oh, and speaking of songs, tonight’s the night that American Idol reveals this season’s final 24. I know you really dug that Tami Gosnell chick’s audition — remember, she’s the one with the lip ring? — so if you wanted to stay home and watch it, instead of going out for dinner, I’d totally understand. Anyway, the last time we went to that steak house, you ordered the filet mignon rare, and they cooked it medium. (No, that’s not a subliminal reminder that Medium is on at 10 on NBC, although it looks like it’ll be a good one, with Allison’s body getting taken over by a spirit. Scary!) The point is, I don’t care where we spend Valentine’s Day, as long as we spend it together. I’d be lost without you. Okay, yes, that was subliminal. Don’t make me DVR the second episode of the second half of Lost‘s season. I just can’t handle any more spoilers. Please, baby, if you let us stay home tonight, I’ll buy you a pony. Oh yeah, I’m the one who wants a pony. Whatever. Um, we can rent a romantic DVD this weekend…maybe Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King? Or if that doesn’t float your boat, my coworkers put together a massive list with 20 other choices! For tonight, though, I’ll order the pizza, you pick up the mango sorbet, and we’ll let Paula bring the crazy. It’ll be awesome.

Your name here

So, PopWatchers, you think that’ll work? Or will you be stepping out tomorrow night with the one you love while fantasizing about your TV?

addCredit(“Carrie Ann Inaba: Adam Larkey”)

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