CRACKED.com picked “The 20 Worst Rhymes In Pop Music History (and Stereogum pointed out the list to us), so we started thinking of our least faves. Turns out there are TONS of horrible lyrics out there. Who knew?! Everyone, as you can see from EW.com staffers’ picks below.
Gary Susman picked his right away: A hustle here and a hustle there/New York City’s the place where from Lou Reed’s “Walk on the Wild Side.” We do not end sentences with where! Even though I just did. He also can’t stand But she never lost her head/Even when she was giving head, and neither can I, but I always thought that was because I’m an angry feminist. NOT SO! Or maybe Gary is an angry feminist.
Sophia Asare hates when lines end in the same word or grunt, like Juvenile’s “Back That Thing Up” (Girl you workin with some back yeah, you bad yeah/Make a brotha spend his cash yeah, his last yeah/Girls frown when you pass yeah, they mad yeah/You gon’ ride in the Jag yeah). Which reminds me, I hate hate HATE product placement in songs. It’s rampant today, but I’m remembering some particularly lame rhymes from “Baby Got Back”: She’s sweat, wet/Got it goin’ like a turbo ‘Vette, and So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin’ workout tapes by Fonda/But Fonda ain’t got a motor in the back of her Honda. What?
Mike Slezak has beef with “London Bridge”‘s VIP ’cause you know I gotta shine/I’m Fergie-Ferg and me love you long time. Duh. He’d like to specify here that he’s still really obsessed with Fergie.
I’ve always hated the part in “Straight Up” when Paula Abdul sings, Are you more than hot for me/Or am I a page in your history — book? I was a little brat back when that came out and occasionally plugged my ears for the word book; other times I clenched my teeth and thought, If I will it to happen hard enough, maybe this time she won’t say book. Who was I kidding?
What do you guys think? And did I ever mention that I don’t like cities, but I like New York/Other places make me feel like a dork?