By Jason Adams
Updated December 08, 2006 at 07:29 PM EST

If you’re thinking of getting your favorite star a gift this holiday season, we have one very important suggestion: Do not — we repeat, do not — get them a watch. (Thankfully, we didn’t recommend any in our Holiday Gift Guide.) Based on our super-scientific research — which consisted of meticulously, um, paging through the December issues of Esquire and GQ and looking at the ads — Hollywood is already teeming with expensive timepieces. Uma Thurman sports an 18K gold Link model encrusted with diamonds from Tag Heuer. Eric “Slow Hand” Clapton, his ad for Rolex suggests, is as timeless as the Oyster Perpetual Day-Date piece he sports (it also seems to suggests that most of his “contemporaries” are dead, which is definitely bad news for Jeff Beck’s album sales — and, apparently, his chances of landing a Rolex ad). Nicolas Cage, at least, is hawking his Montblanc TimeWalker for charitable reasons, a “significant donation” from each purchase going to something called the “Heal the Bay” organization (though this great American actor’s org is curiously spelled with the British “s”; maybe he’s smarting over not getting that 007 role, you know, the one that landed Daniel Craig in Casino Royale, as well as an ad for Omega watches by Tourneau). Keifer Sutherland and Meg Ryan have teamed up with Baume & Mercier, again for charitable reasons (though child education and cancer research are more immediate reads, admittedly).

So anyway, yeah, don’t get your favorite celebs a watch. It seems they already have at least one. Plus, if they’re like Cage, who I saw come in late and leave early from a Nine Inch Nails show at Madison Square Garden this past year, with Willem Dafoe and matching Asian dates in tow, they probably don’t really need something that tells accurate time — since they probably make everyone else operate on theirs anyway.