December 05, 2006 at 12:00 PM EST

Dancing With the Stars

TV Show
Reality TV
run date
Tom Bergeron, Carrie Ann Inaba, Bruno Tonioli, Len Goodman, Erin Andrews, Julianne Hough
Current Status
In Season

Dancing With the Stars loser runner-up Mario Lopez has inked a talent deal with the CW, which means he’ll either get cast in a 2007-8 pilot or there could be an entire television show centered around Mario Lopez. Agggghhhhh! I would have put money on ABC making him the next Bachelor. (Right? Duh, ABC.) But I didn’t, because I don’t care about Mario Lopez. I just need to keep telling myself that. You know what a good way to start not caring about Mario Lopez would be? Stop writing blog items about Mario Lopez. That starts tomorrow. Mario Lopez Mario Lopez Mario Lopez. I am so thorougly annoyed. With myself.


Would You Just Look At How Handsome He Is? Mario owns a flower shop by the seaside and goes for swims every day. Older women love, want him but he isn’t havin’ it. He’s more interested in Mischa Barton, who it turns out has been living in that grody lifeguard shack ever since she got killed off on The O.C.

We Swear We’re Not Dating. Mario and “Kah-deena” Smirnoff go about daily life until viewers vote her off the (kitchen) island after week 3.

Saved by the Smell. Mario loses his legs but, as the instructor of a televised yoga class for paraplegics, proves his self-worth to America because his ass is still attractive.

Showering With Julian McMahon. Mario acquires a raging STD, takes another shower with his former Nip/Tuck co-star to wash it off. But that doesn’t work, so they keep it up until it does. Which it won’t.

Post your own much better ideas below.

addCredit(“Mario Lopez: Jesse Grant/”)

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