By Michael Slezak
Updated November 30, 2006 at 12:00 PM EST

As you may already be aware, I’m medically incapable of saying anything bad about my very most favorite American Idol, Fantasia. It helps, of course, when she releases singles as infectiously funky as “Hood Boy,” her new collaboration with Big Boi, which I’ve been playing on repeat loop all week. And today, ‘Tasia’s premiering the accompanying video clip at Yahoo Music. (For those of you who’ve got Macs, you can also catch it at YouTube.) Now if you’ll bear with me, I’m gonna press play and let the stream of consciousness flow.

OK, OK, loving the hot-pink neon “Fantasia” signage. Very Roxie Hart in Chicago. Wonder if it’ll end up on eBay now that the shoot is over. Wonder if it’d fit on my living room wall. On second thought, scratch that. I don’t want to put myself at risk of divorce. Well, well, well. Lots of man-candy up in the barber shop… and ‘Tasia! Where’s your skirt? No, I am sorry, but that red number doesn’t qualify; it’s a long shirt for cryin’ out loud, and not long enough, if you ask me. See how that boy just spanked your bottom? Girl, you’ve got to cover the goods when you head out of the house. Excuse me? I don’t care what you’ve seen Britney Spears trotting around in for the last week. SHE IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE ROLE MODEL FOR YOU. OK, let’s not argue. I’ll shut up and do the booty-shake with you. For the record, though, I think I just caught a glimpse of your cheek. (No, the other one.) Hey! A motorcycle! Nothing says “bad girl” like a hog. (That is what they call ’em, no?) Except, where’s your helmet at? ‘Tasia, you’re totally breaking the law! And you may be breaking an unwritten Idol law with that controversial fauxhawk. Remember what happened to Nadia Turner? Actually, I take it back, it looks good on ‘ya. Especially paired with false eyelashes made from the wings of hummingbirds. Lovely! Oh, hey, who’s that? Wait, it’s Big Boi! The music is the micro… phone home… That’s good stuff. Oh, ‘Tasia, can I just say that I love that you’re not a Size 2 and gettin’ down with the git-down with total confidence. Okay, I’ll shut up for a second and shake it like a Polaroid picture.

Whew. So howcome when I screech it sounds like nails in a blender, and when youscreech it sounds like a little slice of heaven? Ooh, another dancebreak! All the girls are droppin’ it like it’s hot. I swear my kneethreatens to go out when I try that. Yikes! The police! I warned youabout the helmet! Quick, get outta there. Oh, I know, you’re too coolfor that. Look at you strut out of there, like an American Idol should. Yes!