By Michael Slezak
Updated November 15, 2006 at 10:39 PM EST

Dear Justin Timberlake,

Hey, I know it’s been a while since our last correspondence, and I’m sorry for that. I really did mean to write sooner and congratulate you for heeding my advice about ditching the mankerchief, but it’s been crazy busy around PopWatch HQ, and now here I am writing you yet another chastising letter. But don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not trying to hate. I’m just trying to make sure that in a year’s time you’re not reduced to making guest appearances on House of Carters or bugging the crap out of Lance and Reichen to see if they can get you in as a plus-one at all the Sundance parties they’re attending.

Anyway, I’m sure you can guess this is about “Give It to Me,” the new song collection of discordant sounds (playing here at Idolator) that you recorded with Timbaland and Nelly Frittata — the one where your verse reportedly serves as a dis track to mock both Janet Jackson and Prince. First of all, didn’t you get in enough trouble for hating on Taylor Hicks, who isn’t even pop royalty (yet)? (And he can too carry a tune in a bucket.) Second, hasn’t the statute of limitations run out on the whole Nipplegate blame-game thing? Third, you’re seriously making public sport out of Miss Jackson’s lack of recent chart success? Have you forgotten some of N Stink’s lesser moments, like, oh, “Pop” (this clip reel is PRICELESS) and “(God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time on You“?

And finally, if the line “don’t hate on me just because you didn’tcome up with it” is a crack on Prince’s recent comments about”SexyBack,” do I need to remind you that your entire new CD owes awhopping debt of gratitude to The Purple One himself? As our pals at Beauty N The Beat point out,it’s rich to see “the same punk who cried like a toddler on MTV’sPunk’d” go on to “take shots at two (legendary) artists who aren’t atthe peak of their careers.”

You have the nerve to sing that your “run will never be over”? You better speed-dial Joey Fatone, beyotch.

You’ve been warned,