By Michael Slezak
Updated August 03, 2020 at 07:53 PM EDT
Credit: Kevin Federline and Britney Spears: Ben Rose/

As Lady Miss Kier reminded us in an earlier blog item, today is Election Day. And now, according to a report on, Britney Spears has voted to end her marriage to backup-dancer-turned-rapper Kevin Federline. (View the divorce papers at PinkIsTheNewBlog, if that’s your thing.) It’ll be fascinating (and possibly nausea-inducing) to see whether election results or a suddenly single, hot-again Britney grabs the lead spot in tomorrow morning’s papers, although indecisive editors could merge their coverage by pointing out that on the day voters in a number of states decided whether gays should be allowed to marry, Spears took steps to dissolve her second traditional union — and less than two months after the birth of the couple’s second child, Jayden James.

That said, the most important question surrounding Spears’s decision (from a pop-culture standpoint, anyway) is this: Emancipated from the ever-embarrassing K-Fed, can Britney reclaim her vacated spot atop the pop charts? I suggest Britney reteam with Swedish hitmaker Max Martin, dust off the old “Baby (One More Time)” schoolgirl outfit, and retool the lyrics to that catchy debut hit. In fact, given that she’s probably got other things on her mind, we’ll pitch in with some suggestions for a first verse and chorus, as follows:

Oh baby, baby
Your raps left me so annoyed
You’ve really got no talent
Oh baby, baby
Prepare to be unemployed
I’m cutting your allowance
Now it’s time to pay the piper
Tell me baby
Have you ever changed Sean Preston’s dirrty diaper?

Xtina’s man, he’s got a job
And how ’bout you, you lazy slob? (Lazy slob!)
When I’m not with you my fans say “Wow!”
Look at me now
Shove it up your popozao

addCredit(“Kevin Federline and Britney Spears: Ben Rose/”)