By Annie Barrett
Updated November 03, 2006 at 12:00 PM EST

Don’t shoot! Or shoot, whatever. On Sunday night’s Desperate Housewives (ABC, 9 p.m.), Laurie Metcalf will hold Felicity Huffman hostage (pictured) until she agrees to loan her one funny line per episode from now on. And did you hear? SOMEONE. WILL. DIE.

On tonight’s Law & Order (NBC, 10 p.m.), Chevy Chase guest stars asa celebrity who gets pulled over for drunk driving while wearingblood-soaked clothes and then makes anti-Semitic remarks after hisarrest. Who could he be imitating? The premise sounds familiar, but Ican’t place it. Hmmm… whoever it is sounds scary, so it fits.

Happy Saturday night: Roseanne Barr discusses body moisture! Agghhhhhh! But in a good way: EW’s Henry Goldblatt gave her HBO stand-up special “Blonde and Bitchin'” a B+ (10 p.m.)

The Simpsons‘ annual Treehouse of Horror episode is on Sunday, too (Fox, 8 p.m.). This year, Richard Lewis guests as the Golem of Prague with Fran Drescher as his bride, and Homer snacks on homeless people at the request of Mayor Quimby.

As Kazakh journalist Borat, Sacha Baron Cohen makes Halloween last all year. If you haven’t heard of his movie by now, a) I don’t believe you and b) you will be execute! EW’s Owen Gleiberman gave it an A-.

Or maybe your eyes are tired. Screw ’em shut, and check out new albums from Willie Nelson, Nellie McKay, and Chavez — all three earned an A- from EW.

Ha, that didn’t last long. Now you’ll want to grab A-list DVDs SNL: The Best of Saturday TV Funhouse, which you know all about and the British series I’m Alan Patridge, which EW’s Michael Endelman calls “bleakly hilarious.”