I love my TV. I love it so much that I always want it to come along on vacations with me. Sometimes I want to cuddle with it on the couch on Saturday mornings. But it has some uncomfortably hard edges. And I can’t watch my Men In Trees and Battlestar Galactica episodes when it’s that far from an electrical outlet, which often results in a fight. This weekend, during a particularly nasty row, my TV actually accused me of not really being that big of a TV Fan. Can you believe?
“What have you done to prove your fanaticism?” it screamed.
“Do I not own a Profiler t-shirt?” I retorted.
“But you never wear it out of the house,” my TV shot back. “It’s like you’re… ashamed!”
“Am not!” I replied, with the slightest hesitation. “And anyway, don’t I see you five or six nights a week? Isn’t that enough for you?”
My TV laughed bitterly. “Did you read about the family in Waxahachie, Texas who spent four years building a copy of the house from The Munsters (pictured)? Now that’s loving your TV. All you’re capable of is boyish infatuation.”
“Oh TV, I’m sorry,” I whispered, a lump building in my throat. “I wanna know what love is.”
“Love is naming your baby ESPN.”
“It is?” I said, perplexed. “I just thought that was kinda frakked up.”
“Yeah, actually, you’re right,” said my TV, smiling again. “Wanna watch Battlestar?”
“Yes,” I replied. “Yes I do. Just let me go get some Cap’n Crunch.”
And just like that, everything was right with the world. The end.
Okay, your turn, PopWatchers: What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done in the name of TV fandom? I spilled my guts just now, so I expect emotional honesty at the very least.
addCredit(“The Munsters: Everett Collection”)