By Michael Slezak
Updated October 24, 2006 at 11:55 PM EDT

Let’s review. “Lonely Goatherd” yodeling? (I.) Combined with rubbery “Milkshake” bassline? (Don’t.) And robotic rap-singing, minus “Hollaback” jaunt? (Think.) Plus vacuous shout-out to own clothing line? (So.) And yet no discernable melody? (Gwen.)

I repeat: I don’t think so, Gwen. But if you don’t want to take my word for it, click here and hear for yourself. Just don’t say you weren’t warned.