By Scott Brown
Updated October 17, 2006 at 02:00 PM EDT

The boys in the lab tell us the 300 millionth American is being born… right now. That makes her or him the 300 millionth extant American consumer of entertainment. I think this calls for a benediction:

May TiVo rise to meet you,
May a blog be at your back.
May the sun shine bright while you’re inside,
A Wii implanted in your mind

Until we meet online,
Till we meet online.
Just make sure it’s me
And not a Congressman.