Is anybody noticing that none of this season’s
fame-grubbing skanks bachelorettes seem particularly infatuated with Prince Lorenzo Borghese? Maybe they’ve all realized he’s nothing more than a Jersey boy who makes canine cosmetics for a living. Maybe they found out he’s 1,729th in line for the throne. Maybe they’re all just too drunk to care. Or maybe the real competition is about getting as much airtime as possible, or at least, outwitting, outlasting, and outplaying the other chicks.
Of particular amusement to me was the way ABC kept teasing before every commercial how Sadie was about to reveal her secret. (OMG SHE’S A VIRGIN!!! OMG!!!) Um, whatever. Isn’t there a virgin or a divorced chick or a single mom who has to “share her most intimate skeleton in the closet” on every season of The Bachelor? Is this really a big deal in 2006? Wouldn’t it be more interesting if one of the women had to reveal she’d done hard time? Or that she was smoking crack during one of the group dates? Then again, I generally suspect that all these ladies are high on something the way they scream with orgasmic delight every time they open a date box or see a helicopter in the sky. Anyway, I know I can’t be the only one who got a hearty chuckle from Sadie’s comment that, “I thought that was the best time to bring up the fact that I’m saving myself for marriage and I didn’t want anybody else to do it for me.” Also, you know girlfriend is never going all the way — on The Bachelor (the series, not Lorenzo) (get your heads out of the gutter!) — what with the way Lorenzo said Sadie’s chastity made him “admire her.”
My money’s on Jeanette and Jen in the final two. Think about it: Agnese’s English is middling at best; Sadie’s not really about the final-three “fantasy suite”; Desiree’s a little too much about said fantasy suite; and Lisa’s starting to sweat psycho-chick right through her sensible yellow T-shirt. But before we debate which of the women will “live out every woman’s secret Cinderella fairytale,” let’s bid adieu to this week’s ejectees:
- Goodbye Gina (pictured)! The only time your permascowl moved was when yourlower lip began to tremble toward the end of your final rose ceremony.I will miss the pure delight I felt every time I caught a glimpse ofyou in the background, looking fully prepared to choke out anyone whocame within three feet of you. It was a fascinating strategy while itlasted!
- Goodbye Jami! I have to admit that I won’t really miss you, mostlybecause I kept getting you mixed up with Jennifer. Although, really,you’re less like her twin, and more like the larger nesting doll inwhich the smaller Jennifer might reside. Also, your names both startwith “J,” which made it extra confusing, even though I always wanted tocall you Lori or Jodi. Anyway, you should’ve known Lorenzo sort ofhated you the minute he made you go up on stage and screech your waythrough an aria. That was just cold.
- Goodbye Erica! I will miss hearing about your privilegedbackground, and pondering how, with so much money, you appear to havestyled your hair using a Flobee, some Elmer’s Glue, and a tire iron.(Or maybe you just used the latter on your face.) I will admit I wasamused this week when you noted, “He can find a girl like Jen anywhere.A girl like Sadie that’s a virgin? Okay, maybe that’s a little bitrare,” but I don’t think you were actually trying to be funny. Dittofor your insight that you communicated best with Agnese by speakingverrrry sloooowly and with a bad Italian accent. Also, you’re aterrible fake cryer. That’s all.
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