By Whitney Pastorek
October 11, 2006 at 12:00 PM EDT

Today in News About Rock Stars That Has Very Little To Do With Their Actual Music:

– Okay. So last week, Madonna (pictured, with hubby Guy Ritchie) was visiting orphanages in Malawi, and reportedly pulled a Jolie. Then Madonna’s publicist denied the adoption, saying Madge was just in Malawi to hang out. Then today, the father of the orphan (??) announced that Madonna was in fact adopting his son, and he’s way excited about the whole thing. So lemme get this straight: if you’re rich and famous enough, you can just go around picking which babies you want, and buying them wholesale? That seems wrong.

David Bowie has provided a guest voice on SpongeBob SquarePants, at last legitimizing that underwatched, indie cartoon.

– The Who’s Roger Daltrey will make an appearance on CSI, at last legitimizing that underwatched, indie crime series. (It should be pointed out that this means rock legend Roger Daltrey is enjoying John Mayer’s sloppy seconds, and Kevin Federline’s possibly-herpes-drenched thirds.)

addCredit(“Madonna and Guy Ritchie: Andrea Renault/Globe Photos”)

The Darkness lead singer Justin Hawkins is quitting the band because it’s bad for him. Yes, the stringy-haired spandex supporter has decided the faux-glam-rock lifestyle is the reason he spent most of the last couple months in rehab, and so he’s off to work on solo projects; the rest of the band is reportedly shocked, confirming that the only people who didn’t already think The Darkness broke up were, in fact, The Darkness. (P.S.: Billboard says the band’s statement of shock is up on their website, but I sure as hell can’t find it… can you?)

– Finally, on a personal note, I’d like to give a shoutout to Max Fresen, lead singer of The Information and an old friend who I haven’t seen in eons. He comes in with the quote of the day (via Lindsayism): ”Is it funny if we name our record Beck?”