By Mandi Bierly
October 06, 2006 at 06:04 PM EDT

It was a tough call: Do we review the reviews for Employee of the Month (current Rotten Tomatoes rating 26 percent) or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (25 percent fresh at post time)? The decision was easy after reading James Verniere’s take in The Boston Herald: ”Have you ever watched a movie with a crowd you wished you had a restraining order against? I have, and it is called The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning.”

Kyle Smith of The New York Post won us over with his commentary on the film’s casting: ”Backing things up to 1969, the movie presents four USDA prime victims — two girls and two boys muttering about how they’re going to drive to Mexico to save the guys from the draft, as though we cared. They’re played by three actors you’ve never heard of and Jordana Brewster‘s butt.” The Hollywood Reporter, also noted the lack of big-name talent, only in a slightly less humorous way: ”This incarnation suffers from the absence of a star like Jessica Biel.”

Props also go out to The New York Times for evoking the name of Mel Gibson: ”The movie exists to brutalize. Like The Passion of the Christ, it is an invitation to hard-core sadism. Mel Gibson tried to turn atrocity into spiritual catharsis. The producers of The Beginning merely package it, sell it to the masses and hope they don’t vomit in their nachos.” And to for referencing Police Academy: ”After six installments of the Leatherface saga, the idea of more kids getting lost in the hidden interstates of Texas, lining up for the slaughter is, frankly, fairly boring. I mean, come on… even Police Academy went to Miami Beach for their fifth film.”

Finally, I’d like to give a special shout-out to the woman sitting behind me in the theater when I first saw The Beginning trailer, who summed it up best: ”Didn’t this already come out?”

addCredit(“Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning: Van Redin/New Line”)