By Scott Brown
October 02, 2006 at 12:00 PM EDT
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We of the opposition party must face facts: Dane Cook is the most powerful man in America. This can be lamented, but not debated. Consider last Saturday’s Night Live, which Cook hosted. He went on a tear about YouTube and all of its rapturously useless content, claiming that you could type in “A:F6” and find, say, a fat shirtless 10-year-old singing “A colon f six!” over and over again. Cook then did a little dance.

And America went mad! Didn’t you, America? You went online and made Dane Cook’s half-funny joke into an unfunny reality. You created (and continue to create) stupid Internet videos showing just how stupid and video-y and shirtless the Internet has become — bravo! It’s amazing what a nation can do when it rallies around an opening monologue.

There’s a man who would look dangerous, if not for his gentle,langourous back fat, the curvature of which recalls your grandmother’stable lamp (the one made of human flesh — you know the one I’m talkingabout). There are these wacky guys, whom I like to think of as a pomodoo-wop group called “The Log Cabin Republicans.” Some filmmakers tooka more free-handed approach to Cook’s premise, with results thatmystify. And others are just cashing in on the “A:F6” craze, renamingtheir old videos “A:F6.” (I, for one, don’t like to see idiocy taintedwith cynicism.)

What this means is: What Dane Cook asks for, he gets. If you’dlike to see something on YouTube, just ask Dane Cook to imagine he’sseen it on YouTube, and voila!It will be on YouTube within 48 hours, in countless interpretations. Afat man doing a dance? Dane’ll do ‘er. A transparent and functionalfederal government? Dane can make it happen. A functional federalgovernment? From your lips to Dane’s ears to YouTube’s servers!

What do you think of Cook’s massive net influence? And what sort of shirtless net-fad should he inadvertently set off next?

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