By Whitney Pastorek
Updated September 14, 2006 at 12:00 PM EDT

So the news is not-at-all-official: Us Weekly is reporting that Tom and Katie have set a date for their wedding. “DAYS AWAY!” the cover crows… which means there are but mere moments remaining in which to speculate on who will and won’t be invited to the ceremony, which will either take place on top of the Scientology Center in LA, complete with circling news helicopters and the Goodyear Blimp, or in a cave somewhere outside Butte, Montana, with no one but the jackals in attendance.

Provided they go the deluxe route, the celebrity guest turnout could be spectacular. Will Smith and Jada will be there. And certainly Travolta and Kelly Preston, as well as Leah Remini and… uh, whoever she’s married to or whatever. Perhaps some of the Washington Redskins defensive line will handle security.

But who won’t get a save-the-date card? There’s the rub. Obvs, Sharon Osbourne is out. Katie’s ex Josh Jackson might be an awkward chat at the reception, and Van Der Beek is just a tool. I’m betting Matt Lauer is also not going to be welcome, because there’s nothing worse than some glib guy getting up to make a toast. And I’m just taking a stab in the dark and saying that Sumner Redstone might be otherwise occupied that day.

Who am I missing here? Let’s pitch in to help these kids tie the knot. Weddings are very stressful, even for us civilians, and don’t forget, celebrities are just like us! PopWatchers, guest-list duties are all yours…