By Whitney Pastorek
Updated September 14, 2006 at 08:09 PM EDT

OMG I am so excited, Pop Watchers. And scared. Excited and scared! Why? Because today is the day People magazine announcestheir annual Best Dressed list! In my household, Best-Dressed Day isbasically a combination of the Fourth of July, Christmas morning, and anElton John concert all rolled into one: My family gets out of bed atthe crack of dawn, wraps itself from head to toe in couture, thenstumbles bleary-eyed downstairs to bunch together on the sofa and letthe fireworks begin, slowly turning the pages of the magazine one byone, oohing and aahing at the sartorially gifted as they float,rendered flawlessly in matte, ranked professionally by the rankingprofessionals at People, who cannot be beat when it comes to rankingall things beautiful.

You can imagine, then, my excitement to click on this link

Here goes…

1. Jennifer Aniston. Okay. Okay. She always looks very put together, buffedto a sheen, carnauba-waxed for protection against the elements, thatchoice is boring, but it works fine.

2. Halle Berry. Okay. She’s pretty, but I wouldn’t say best dressedper se. Plus, she’s hardly been that visible this year. Interestingchoice, People magazine. But you are my gods! So thus I nod and obey.

3. Jessica Alba (pictured). Wha? Is anyone ever even looking at her clothes? What in the name of Gwen Stefani is going on here?

GASP! Wait. What does that say? WHAT DOES THAT SAY??

“Elizabeth Sporkin, People’s executive editor, said for the first timethe list was picked by online readers and not the magazine’s editors.”

Holy crab cakes, this time you online meddlers have gone too far! Youcan have your MySpace profiles, and your vaguely-interesting YouTubevideos. Hell, you can even come over here and tell me I’m a moron inthe comment space! But you cannot– cannot — replace the professionalrankers at a major national publication! Out, demons! Slagkicks! Irebuke thee! Good day, sirs!

I said good day!

addCredit(“Jessica Alba: Kevork Djansezian/AP”)