In the penultimate episode of ''Big Brother: All-Stars,'' Mike beats the Janelle-Erika alliance in a three-part head-of-household competition

By Lynette Rice
Updated September 08, 2006 at 04:00 AM EDT

”Big Brother”: Chill Town’s endgame

I wish I could offer reassuring words of comfort and support to those of you who are sad that Janelle didn’t make it to the final two — but I can’t because I’m too freakin’ sad, annoyed, and just plain pissed. Are you kidding me? Mike the Booger? It’s bad enough that we had to sit through the anticlimactic pairing of Ivette and Maggie last summer. Now we’re stuck with Bone Rack and the Tool?

And I wish I had someone to take it out on; Erika would certainly make a convenient punching bag. Trouble is, she didn’t do what everyone on the message boards thought she would do, and that’s throw the third phase of the HOH competition to help Booger win. She played to win in a quiz that really came down to blind luck. I, for one, would have chosen B over A as the answer to the question that put Booger ahead (whether his buddy Will was more surprised by the fast-forward eviction or his own ouster). Erika, like me, picked the latter — the only question she got wrong.

So it really was the fickle finger of fate that pushed Janelle out the door, not any evil, last-minute maneuvering on the part of Booger. Janelle inadvertently took her hand off the key during the first phase of the competition, and she just didn’t have the necessary upper-body strength to compete in the second part. That’s why I have to (begrudgingly) concede that Booger won it fair and square and therefore utter a bittersweet farewell to the beguiling Ms. Pierzina.

[Read Jessica Shaw’s interview with Janelle.]

But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I’d gladly campaign for a raise (and a much-needed change of oil) for the Chen 3000 if it meant I could replace Janelle with the Booger. But I suspect our girl won’t go home empty-handed. In case you happened to turn your TV off early, BB fans were given one more chance to reward Janelle (or one of the six other jury members) with an America’s Choice prize of $25,000. Each call cost 50 cents, but I gladly invested $2 of my hard-earned cash before the show was over. (I’ll let you figure out where my votes went.)

This is probably the part of the column where I should opine who will win next Tuesday, but the fact is, I don’t care. Booger really doesn’t need the money (he owns restaurants), and he’ll probably share his plunder with Will should he win the prize, anyway. Erika, on the other hand, just has her hair and the pie-in-the-sky notion that she’ll run away with Mike the minute this show’s over. This, of course, is assuming she never sees the goodbye video for Janelle in which Booger calls Erika ”Scrubika.” I don’t even get what that means, but it sure as hell doesn’t sound like an affectionate pet name. If Erika promises to steer clear of Booger, then maybe — maybe — I’ll burn a candle for her at mass and hope for her victory on Tuesday. At least she’s more deserving than BB6‘s Maggie. Then again, so is the mangy neighborhood cat who keeps spraying his piss on my front door — so what do I know, really.

The floor’s yours. I’m too heartbroken to go on.

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